Tuesday, April 01, 2008


In a surprise move, the New York Circuit Court of Appeals has announced a settlement among Club Nautico Real de Valencia, Team Alinghi, America's Cup Management Ltd., Oracle Racing Team, and the Golden Gate Yacht Club. The compromise has resulted in the naming of the Boat Owners of Cochiti as hosts for the prestigious event honoring sport's oldest and most venerated trophy. BOC Commodore Dusty Arrington ("El Polvo de Rano Azul") announced plans to build a world-class America's Cup harbor with funding that the Cochiti Pueblo has secured from Leyland-Maffioli Gaming Ventures, a leading developer of Las Vegas-style casino and hospitality complexes. However, informed sources note that this facility will be a return to the classical meaning of a casino as merely "a meeting place"; the conservative tribal government will not permit gambling at the cup harbor and resort.

Theresa Begay, development director for Cochiti Pueblo Enterprises, Inc., said that the new facilities will present outstanding employment opportunities for pueblo residents. Additionally, plans are afoot to provide funding for Sail New Mexico to teach fundamental to advanced racing skills to hundreds of Native American youth, who have been historically under-represented within the ranks of the sport. Former NCAA champion and US Olympian Laurence Jessee predicted that the Santa Fe Indian School inter-varsity sailing squad might soon rival storied programs such as William and Mary, MIT, UCLA, U. Hawaii, and the US Naval Academy.

In a further unprecedented move, the framers of the compromise have announced that the racing will utilize the classic 12 Meter yachts, rather than the previously anticipated large catamaran craft. Nostalgia for the classic Twelves and the memories of the great races among the likes of Ted "The Mouth of the South" Turner and Dennis Conner are said to have led to the reversion to the much loved old boats.

Confidential sources within the International Sailing Federation revealed that the surprise move was designed to facilitate "NASCAR style bumper-bashing, fire-breathing racing" to counter the sport's elitist image and make sailing appeal to the same audiences who've propelled sports such as stock car racing, bowling, pool, basketball, and professional wrestling into the national spotlight.

The lake's relatively modest surface acreage and rock-bound shore are being touted as a great advantage for the big America's Cup 12 Meter yachts, which will be required to utilize race courses comprising as many as twelve to twenty short legs, with corresponding mayhem and carnage at the many mark roundings. Yachting great Dennis Conner observed, "No longer will the Cup be a boring business of billionaires on split tacks and one-sided blowouts. This time, the guys with the big pockets will have to dig deeper, because there are going to be a hell of a lot of crashes and broken boats." And, the high-altitude lake's notorious wind shifts will represent a real trial of fire for navigators, tacticians, and all crew members.

Happy April 1st, Pat


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